Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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