Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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