It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
