apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
