Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
