we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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