Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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