no, he came in my armpit
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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