Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
