dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
