im about as happy as oj after his trial
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
