Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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