Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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