i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
