I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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