My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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