Im at strip club and am horny
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
