ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
