I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
