it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize