i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
