My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
