I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
