i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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