I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
