you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
