hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
