do herpes really smell.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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