Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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