Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
