she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
