the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
