Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
