Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
