I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
