She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
