so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
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We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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