I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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