i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
