do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
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Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
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Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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