actually, I'm a sock model
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
