Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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