I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
