Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
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Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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