At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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