Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
