Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
