please come you make the beer taste better
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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