I'm going to jail i love you
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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