She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
worst night to have a conscience
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
