Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
