I cockslap morals
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
