Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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