Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize