Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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