My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
