I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
