I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
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How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
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Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize