just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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