i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
