Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
