so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
