What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
