I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
