Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
