There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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