I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
