i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
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she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
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