i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
