What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
