guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize