Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
