Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
