Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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