some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
