i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I faked an abortion last night.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
